I am back!

So sorry for going offline for so long...

Been reading up during covid:
Quatum Physics
Chinese dramas
moving house
sign up programmes to be better

Dramatic life... why???

I had a beautiful life.

Graduated from NUS, had a good career with Singapore’s largest media company. MediaCorp.

3 private properties at the age of 33.

Driving a BMW 5 series then. My fifth car in a row. Rover Coupe, Volvo S40, Volvo S60, Audi A4 before that.

Dabbled in casino and lost 1M cash. Half from banks, half from own hard earned money and sale of one of the properties.

Almost crashed and burnt, almost forced for bankruptcy by one of the banks.

Lost 1Mil in 8 weeks. Took 8 years to recover.

Life… had it had fooled me. Bringing me a roller coaster ride one wave after another…

.

Made my first 1Mil before 32, lost it at 34… took 8 years to recover. And I did.

Fell in love with a woman in a club, with her for 3 years. Thought it was true love. Turn out not. Went back to gambling to try and appease her with goodies. What the heck!

Now I am back to square one with a very broken heart.

I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters and WTH am I in this state.

Scary part is, I cant seem to forget her. Every moment, will think what she is doing, who is she with. She already made it clear that we are just friends. I heard it before from other relationships. But when it happens to me, it hurts so badly. Friends? After 3 years of ups and downs and now you say friends?… I cant imagine you with another guy, talking love with you, making love with you. 

I know… I am married, but I did not expect this part of the story as part of my life. Now that I am down and out, finance in trouble, work not stable, relationships- I have none. Neither my wife or her is doing me any good. No one is giving me their attention. I am all alone. Suicidal… not yet. But very alone and lonely. All that are going through my head is very negative. Finance. Hurt. Job. Unloved. 

What can I do now… mind is all about her and yet I know I cant live on like this. Heart pains every now and then. Trying to love my wife back but can sense she doesn't wanna be taken as second fiddle. Neither do I. But what can I do. I need to forget her and move on with my life. She already made it very clear. I have made too many mistakes and thats why she letting me go. She is happily entertained now by her friends. And I am left with a broken family. Punishment?

When happened when I was young...

From what I can remember:
I was a fat boy since young. during kindergarten, I had to wear red shoes past down from my sister. I was a grumpy kid. Knowing my family was poor, I speak little and tend to avoid any questions pertaining to my family. Kindergarten was vague. Then came primary school.

I was notorious. Got whacked by discipline master not standing in line. Curious why female teachers always show their panties (at the end, i then realized they think we were too young to know what is up-skirt). Joined several sports as ECA to slim down. Basketball, athletics, high jump, badminton, table tennis during primary school. But the time I reached P4, i was tall and big. That's when I started to always stare at this gal- her name was Li Aishan. She was first ever crush in my life.

Introduction- Myself

I was born in 1974, September 23.
With that, in all Chinese superstition- 2309 became my favorite numbers.

I was brought up in a big family. My grandfather made his way down to Singapore with his father from South China. And he strived through making chinese burn papers towers for burning during chinese festivals. In hokkien dialect, we call it "teng liao". A tower of light? Beacon? Maybe.

You may be curious what this teng liao is... Here are some references. Hope you find them interesting. Look at how intricate the designs are. It was just a simple tower made of papers during my grandfather's days.

With his wife, my grandmother- they gave birth to 3 boys and 5 daughters. I was the eldest boy in the family and supposed the one to carry on the bloodline through my generation. That is still a promise a made to my grandfather even now. I am currently happily married with 2 daughters... so I gotta push on and bear a son if I were to keep this promise.

Beaconing- we all need angels through our lives

I might be not clear with what I am going to do with this blog so thought I should clarify:

Content:

1. Introduction of myself
2. What happened when I was young
3. My achievements when I was young
4. Receiving God for wrong purposes
5. What went wrong...
6. Knowing God
7. What becomes of me after knowing God
8. Cherishing every single day with daily prayers

Introduction- What is "Beaconing"

Everyone for a moment or two maybe inspired to become a writer. I have been thinking about this for the longest decade and finally took up the courage to do so when this word "beaconing" was coined between a conversation I had recently with my wife (during a conflict, fyi).

I had a long night out and went straight to office on a Saturday morning. Surprisingly, we were both calm about the incident. Talked like friends and never foe as husband and wife.

What happened in my life and how God came into my life is the most humbling and yet graceful thing I have experienced.

Stick around and read through my blog... and do share with others via social media if you think this blog is worth sharing.

The term beaconing came about when we were made peace at a mall and interestingly, at that moment- I was smiling end to end and one guy stared at me and started to smile himself too and then turned to his kids. The kids smiled too. Seems like paying a smile forward starting from me, source of smile being my wife- since we reconciled.

That moment- I termed my wife the beacon and I the beaconer that was beaconing to that guy who smiled back and smiled at his kids. Ripple-effect I must say! It was really heartening to know that a simple reconciliation between me and my wife, brought a smile to my face and incidentally, rippled this smile-effect to the guy and his kids.

Stay on- hear my story and notice the number of beacons that shone through my life and made me a better person in life, till now still.